|Posted on 9 January, 2017 at 0:00|
Allowing the people we love to be on their own journey.
It can be hard standing by and watching someone we love suffer. They may be going through any sort of challenge, perhaps it’s to do with health, a relationship, work, school or their own self confidence.
Quite often we may feel the need to jump in and “save” this person. To help them fix whatever it is they are going through. We may give them “advice” on what to do, or what not to do, based on what WE BELIEVE would be best for them.
They may put up with a situation for much longer than we believe that they should or they may not seem willing to change it.
This can all be very frustrating for us at times. Especially if we love and adore this person and if we just want them to be happy.
Of course this is just another way that we project our own rules onto others, about how we believe that they “should be”, even though the underlying intention of doing so, is coming from a complete place of love and wanting the best for them.
It is still a CONDITIONAL love.
We can NOT assume what is best for them, and their soul’s evolution.
Even in the most challenging of circumstances, we do not know or understand why they are going through that situation. We can start to begin to understand what growth is needed for them to live the life they have always wanted, by questioning what it is that they may be learning. Perhaps they are learning inner strength, perhaps they are learning resilience, the meaning or purpose of their life or to stand up for themselves. Whatever it is I am sure that if they took the time to sit down and ask themselves, they would know at a deep level what that is.
It is NOT our job to interfere in their process, by judging it or needing them to change it.
The minute we go into judgement, about someone or their situation, we lose the power to influence that person. We may be so fixated on getting them out of the discomfort they feel, because we are looking at their situation, imagining what that would feel like and then feeling OUR pain associated with this, believing it to be their pain.
I believe the BEST gift that we can ever give to anyone is to hold the space lovingly for them in knowing at all times that they are safe, they have found their answers and they have come through this situation,(even if it appears that hasn’t happened just yet) without needing to FORCE, CONTROL or MAKE anything else happen. This is not being unloving, uncaring or selfish. By doing this, it allows us to let go of our pain that we are projecting onto them and be even MORE PRESENT for them.
It will allow us to lovingly and compassionately listen to where they are at, without JUDGEMENT, this will allow them the space to get CLEAR on what is happening for them.
The more someone feels judged for their situation, the more they will stay stuck, as they will feel the need to JUSTIFY, DEFEND and perhaps blame others for what is happening.
By holding the space for them, that they are whole, perfect and complete exactly the way they are and knowing that they are experiencing this situation for a reason, will allow you to not be as affected by their situation, both energetically and emotionally. It’s only when we jump into their drama and add to it with our own emotion, judgement, thoughts and beliefs that we will add to their negative feelings.
This is harder to do the closer we are to someone. It’s particularly hard to do with our own children.
It was one of the best lessons that I ever got in letting go of attempting to control external situations to do with other people.
To attempt to exert control of another, because of what I believed they were doing was morally wrong, created even more challenges and difficulties, not only for myself, but for my kids and the other person. When I stepped back, resolved my own emotions about the situation by doing “The Work” by Byron Katie (www.thework.com) I could then lovingly hold the space for my children’s soul journey.
Knowing with FAITH and TRUST, that what was happening was helping their soul’s evolve and grow in a very powerful way. I know that the lessons they learnt in that situation, was so powerful and they could have not have received those lessons in any other way.
We need to embrace the UPS and DOWNS of life. It IS CYCLIC. It won’t always be blossoms and flowers. We NEED the winter too, to appreciate the SUNSHINE.
It’s when we can find VALUE in all experiences that life begins to take a very different turn for us. We start to live with a peace and serenity in our hearts, regardless of what is happening externally to our self or to those we LOVE.
It is only FEAR that creates judgement through the SURVIVAL MIND. Often screaming at us, through its monkey mind chatter, that this is NOT ok, and starts to ruminate with FEARS from PAST EXPERIENCES as well as bringing in FUTURE what ifs! We have a powerful imagination and if it is not being CONSCIOUSLY directed by our heart and soul, in can have emotionally devastating results for us.
By dropping back into our HEART SPACE, letting go of judgement and fear, letting go of our SURVIVAL MIND attempting to run the show, then that is where TRUE FREEDOM is found.
PS. If this resonates with you and you are keen to learn more, SIGN UP to my FEARLESS WEBINAR!! Embracing Fear, to create a life you love!
Thursday the 12th of January at 6pm!
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Categories: Fulfilling Relationships