Do you feel Obligated?

Posted on April 24, 2015 at 10:35 PM

How would you like to feel energised and excited at the end of each day, instead of exhausted, tired and drained?

Feeling obligated to do things can be a common occurrence and a general theme that a lot of people can tend to feel most days. This can come from doing what we believe that “we need to do”, to be the type of person that “we believe we should be”. For example keeping a clean house and taking care of the kids to be “a great wife and mother”. When we feel obligated we can sometimes feel like there’s no choice. We can feel that we “have” to and that we “need” to and that we “should”. We can feel pressured and weighed down by what we think we “should” get done in a day.

Obligation is such an energy drain! I know for me if I feel obligated to do something, it really doesn’t feel very good or produce an energising and uplifting state. It can also make me feel quite resistant to doing what would be important for me to do. At times it can almost feel as if I’m rebelling against myself to not do it! And then it becomes a fight in my mind and an inner conflict is created that I “should” do it, but I don’t “want” to do it! This can also then lead to a feeling of guilt, anger and resentment at having to do something that I “should” do, because it feels like I don’t have a choice.

The amount of positive energy that this type of feeling sucks from us every day is very detrimental to our own health and wellbeing. If we are only typically given so many “units” of energy each day and more than 50 % are being spent on trying to get the energy to “do the things we should do, that we are feel obligated to do” then that is not a very productive way to spend our time or our energy.

What do you feel obligated to do each day? Is it things like washing the dishes, keeping the house tidy, looking after the kids and taking them places or to their sporting events? Do you feel obligated to go to work and to do what needs to be done there? How do you feel at the end of each day? Do you feel invigorated and excited to do it all again tomorrow? I’m guessing probably not……

The best way that I have found for myself personally, in overcoming the feeling of obligation is through changing my perception using Gratitude and incorporating a feeling of fun, celebration and success in everything that I do. Being able to tap into these resourceful states every day also requires a level of consistency in taking care of ourselves through proper nutrition and hydration, healthy amounts of exercise and doing things daily that fulfil us and help us feel whole and centred and living a life based on Self Love. (This might be things like incorporating yoga, meditation, listening to music, being creative, journaling, gratitude diaries etc.)

Asking myself focused questions such as “What can I be grateful for whilst I do this?” or “What’s my highest outcome?” or “What could I do that would make this feel more fun?” can help me focus on changing my perception around any given task. For example when I’m washing the dishes, which at times can feel like thankless and irritating job, that has to be done, can become 10 minutes of focused gratitude, feeling grateful for the food that my family and I just ate, the fact that we had bowls and plates and cutlery to eat with, a table to eat at, a sink to use, hot running water, a fridge to store our food in, online grocery delivery to make it easier and to utilise my time better, our house, the fact that I have a beautiful family to cook for and prepare food for, that my children are healthy and happy and love to eat healthy food, that I am healthy and well and have enough energy for washing the dishes, that I have both of my hands and my arms and my legs!! And this is just to name a few things! At the end of washing the dishes I feel energised, excited about life and have a feeling of peacefulness and happiness that money cannot buy!

Or perhaps another example is when I’m driving my children to sporting events or appointments, instead of feeling like I have to rush to get there and focusing on the mental list of things to do in my head when I get home again, I ask myself the question of “What is my highest outcome?” For me personally my highest outcome is to help my children feel loved, appreciated and understood. So instead I would then use the time in the car much more effectively as a time to connect with them, asking them about their day, sharing a joke, a song or a happy moment together. This helps us all feel great, relaxed, calm and brings in more positive energy again.

Another example of changing the feeling of obligation into something that feels like fun is asking myself “What could I do that would make this feel more fun?” Sometimes that might be putting on some music and listening to it and dancing whilst I do the vacuuming or mowing the lawns!

There are so many ways we can change our perception on any task, from one of obligation, frustration and anger into feeling grateful, happy and energised! Even times when you may feel overwhelmed or a sense of pressure in getting things done, can be moments quickly turned into mini-celebrations. Doing a quick happy dance, a high five, or a fist pump with a “Yes”, can all be ways to celebrate getting through the smaller tasks in our day. The more we celebrate, the more we feel successful and the more it energises us and improves our productivity no end!

Our time here on earth is so precious, and the way we are spending our time is impacted completely by how we feel every day. There are so many things in a day that we can feel obligated about or we can choose to make every day, a day filled with fun, happiness and celebration! It’s really a choice of what we choose to focus on.


Categories: Self Love and Empowerment

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